A Retrospective – Part II

Here we go again! We are back in our time machine and heading to the year 1987. Buckle up! As you may recall from Part I, my first year of teaching had its ups and downs; but mostly downs! I was so far down, in fact, that I thought I might get fired from my first professional job as a High School Science Teacher.

I graduated college full of knowledge about Biology, Chemistry and Physics.  I could not wait to get in to the classroom and change lives.  One problem: in order to share my knowledge, the students had to actually be listening to me.  Instead, I had students talking while I was lecturing.  I ended up yelling to get their attention.  I had people leaving to go to the restroom all throughout my class time and paper wads and airplanes flew about while my back was turned to write on the chalkboard.  (Yes, back in 1987 we had chalk and not dry-erase or smart boards, or even power point presentations. And yes, I  realize I am like a cave woman!)

In addition to this, I wanted to have the students perform hands-on laboratory experiments.  Without classroom control, these lab times were a train wreck.  It was only by the grace of God that someone did not get seriously hurt during my first year of teaching.  I mean, my students were armed with scalpels for dissections. Can you imagine the issues that could have occurred?  I really had to raise my voice to be heard during these chaotic lab times, too  By the end of the day, I was exhausted and overwhelmed.  It would have been so much easier to not perform these activities, but hands-on science was (and still is) my passion. Something had to change.

That year, we had a new principal at our high school. He was 6’3, 200 pounds and never smiled.  I was sure he had no sense of humor.  When he came in to do teacher evaluations, he had a piece of paper that was marked with every minute of the class period.  He then proceeded to write down what was happening each minute:  If I was lecturing; how many students were actually paying attention; how many students raised their hands to answer a question, etc. It was nerve-wracking and, to no one’s surprise, my chart was less than  impressive.  When I was called into his office each time to go over my evaluation (it was policy to evaluate new teachers 6 times a year), he would talk to me about how I had to get my classroom under control.  He would tally all the wasted minutes of each of my class periods and I left dejected and defeated.

At my fifth evaluation in the Spring, I was at my breaking point. As he began to discuss my abysmal performance, I knew that he was warning me that my contract might not be up for renewal. He had not stated it outright, but had alluded to it in other conversations.  I was facing the reality that I was going to be fired from my first teaching position.  My calling to be a Science teacher was going to end 9 months after it started.  Now, I took pride in the fact that I always conducted myself professionally, but at that moment, I was crest-fallen.  As my principal was talking, all of a sudden I realized that I was beginning to cry. I was so upset with myself for this action, but I could not stop it.  All my frustrations, disappointments and disillusionments came pouring out in the form of tears.  Needless to say, my boss was quite uncomfortable with this turn of events.  I finally managed to get some words out through the waterworks. It sounded something like this: I know (sniff) all the things that I have (snuff) done wrong, but can you find just one thing(nose blow) that I have done correctly? Is there just one thing (sniffle) that gives you any hope that I could someday be a good teacher? (sob)

My principal was taken aback. It was a very uncomfortable moment for both of us.  He finally found his voice and told me that , indeed, there were some good points to my teaching.  He liked my enthusiasm and my passion for performing labs.  He liked the way that I wrote my tests with higher level questions and not just rote memorization.

I was stunned. This was the first positive reinforcement that I had had all year.  I then told him that I had no idea how to get my classroom under control and that I supposed that I would just have to wait until next year and try again.  He then said something that has always stuck with me: It’s never too late!  He said he would work with me and give me some tools to begin implementing to start managing my classroom.  He realized that this was his first year as principal and that he had only told me what I had done wrong and had not given me any ideas for improving my teaching.

Although it was March, when I came back from Spring Break ( and by the way, I went to the Bahamas…I deserved it after the 7 months I had just lived through) I had a new drive to succeed.  I began to slowly build the classroom discipline style that would shape my teacher worldview for the next 30 years.

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